The Dooby show!
Munch the crooner
Kiru .. I knew it!
Mea Culpa is a Latin phrase that translates into English as "My Sins". I live my life by the second. This is a place where I shall confess my doings to the God of the Bytes. By reading this far, you are sacrificing your soul in my place. Remember 'The Ring'? Muhahahaha Muhahahahaha!!
The Dooby show!
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 9:10 PM 6 comments
Well, I'll be damned!
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 8:41 PM 0 comments
Well I never thought this series would make it past the first episode. But I did it. This is the
Before I say anything about this month's winner, why not see it first? I only hope you've never seen it before. Don't want to spoil the ending for you.
Here are the lyrics of the song. Extensive googling didn't help. So I guess someone at Oglivy just picked up a guitar and hummed this one out. Makes a beautiful number.
Uuuu uu uuu uu
Uu hoo hoo u hoo
hoo hoo hoo uu
Blue skies and la la la
There's a place
for us somewhere
Take me away,
somewhere far away
beyond the sun
uuuu huuu huuu huu huuu huu
uuu hoo u
uu hoo hoo hoo uuu
take me a away
somewhere far away
beyond the ...
That's right! Don't tell me you knew it all along. Here's a list of all the stuff that I suffer from.
Bouts of Acute viral nasopharyngitis once a year
Palmer and Plantar Hyperhidrosis
Early Stertor
I'm sure I have Hypersomnia but no one believes me
Minor alopecia
Pilomotor under dire circumstances
Pityriasis capitis
Declining Myopia
and of course, perpetual Pantaphobia
And you think you have problems!
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 1:23 AM 2 comments
Labels: illness
Getting an application type written in Arabic and taking passport photos : 25 Dirhams
Opening a new file in my name at the Sharjah Police : 50 Dirhams
Registering at the driving school for mandatory classes : 75 Dirhams
The look on my face when at the end of it all, they say "Come back in 6 months" : Price@%$#less
Further reading
P.S. First you wait to start classes, then they fail you a minimum of two times and give you new dates after months. The articles says it may take something like 9 months! I know some other things that get ready in 9 months far more easily!
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 1:10 AM 0 comments
Labels: driving licence, sharjah, trauma, uae
Hey I can get one too. My dad called me up the other day to tell me that my pic had come in Mangayar Malar. I found myself thinking about the nice time I used to have at college. I rememered winning an award and wondered if there was some stuff about it still online. Turns out there still is:
XIM Bhubaneswar Rules at 13th B-school Affaire
The 13th B-School Affaire that saw the participation of all major b-schools was led by XIMB. The contest was held at Mumbai.
The most coveted title of the Best Management Student was adjudged to Kartik Subramanian (PGP-II) of XIMB. The contest (BMSC) was sponsored by the Dewang Mehta Foundation and Kartik fetched a cash prize of Rs. 75,000 for the same.
The road to success for Kartik came after much strife as students from all the top B-schools in India including the IIMs, XLRI, MICA and MDI vied with each other for the coveted title of the "Best Management Student of India".
The elimination process included a shortlist of the resumes by the student's B-school, followed by a second elimination by the organizing committee bringing the shortlist down from an applicant list of 500+ to just 35 candidates. The candidates were invited to participate in the contest in Mumbai. The process included a presentation by the students followed by a vigorous round of questioning by the 30-member strong jury panel, which included luminaries like Dr. Prasad Medury and ad guru Prahlad Kakkar.
"India's - Civilization greatest melting pot resides in her villages, where the wheels of change have been set in motion. XIMB presents managers, moulded to lead this change."
This was the unique theme of the PGPRM Placement Brochure of XIMB that fetched the award for the Best Brochure of the Year.
The team said that the theme of pottery was the ideal platform on which the brochure could have been presented. The depiction of the various forms clay takes at the hands of the craftsman was the USP of the brochure. The brochure was a clear winner right from the start, as per the opinion of the judges. It signified the rustic scenario and blended it extremely well with the urban culture. The brochure, thus, stood out among the brochures of XLRI, MDI, NITIE and other B-schools.
The third competition where XIMB made a mark was the Best Presentation Contest. The topic of the presentation was "The Retail Paradigm: Growth and Opportunities". The contest was evaluated by a panel of 30 jury members with presentations being made by over twenty teams from various B-schools in India.
Kartik Subramanian and Shikha Garg did XIMB proud again by winning the runners-up prize for the contest. Thus, XIMB won in three of the total four competitions organized during the mega event.
The stories are also at : Indian B-Schools & Gary's BlogPosted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 12:56 AM 0 comments
Labels: achievements
My cousin sis 3P once said that we both have been born into a family of foodies. I remember that realising that it was something that was as true as an other universal fact. I just had not seen it.
How blind could I have been? My mom and Patti are excellent cooks. Mom's from Trichur but she cooks anything. Her Gujju dishes have made Gujju's shower praise. My Patti is a food-freak - the incipient of it all. Any conversation with her will include - "What did you have for breakfast and lunch and dinner?" If someone wants to make her happy, we just ask about a recipe. My sis runs a restaurant in Chennai. And everyone else (dad, uncle, cuzns) love hot and spicy vegetarian food. I love cooking so much, I dance a jig and sing when I cook.
I have come across a lot of links that have good recipes on the net. So I thought, why not put them in a post where everyone could check it out at once. I'll keep updating them as I get more.
Here they are:
Recipe Link:
Recipezaar : You can search in any conceivable fashion. Plus you get a calorie sheet, a servings adjuster and an option choose my ingredient and save and print the recipe. Woo Hoo!
Mental Masala's Blog blog : Very nice blog if you use the tags on the right. He gives a good intro about the food he prepares.
100% Microwave Food blog : This is the site that I love. Microwave cooking is something I discovered after coming to Sharjah. It's easy, takes less time, requires not much attention, stirring and can be taken out served. Check out this guys links to other blogs. He's pretty much done what I started to do.
ClickaFood blog: This guy writes a superb blog. Bachelor recipe paradise! Only problem - No links to help searching faster.
Sailu's cooking blog: This is a must-read if Andhra cooking is your thing.
Mom and Patti's cooking : Well, its not written down yet .. but you want to taste heaven ;) go to these people.
Conversion of various cooking units can be comfortably done here.
You'll notice that a lot of the links are blogs. Let's face the facts. Websites needs money to run and many of them are not going to hand out recipes for free. So blogs rule the roost. Here's a nice site using which you can search for any category of blogs. Simplifies a laborious search process.
I only wish I had read this sooner. It Would have saved me half a day's cooking if I had known this. Give it a try and see if you can get the dal cooked without doing it about 7 times if you haven't read what's below.
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 11:56 PM 91 comments
Added on 24/2. Quick,Temp Fix
- Goto Start > Accessories> System Tools> Disk Cleanup.
- Select "All Users"
- Click "Continue"
- Choose C:
- Select "More Options" Tab
- Click "Cleanup"
- Go back to My computer and check space. If you are still not satisfied, read below for a permanent fix
Yesterday, I had a chat with my the corners of my heart. Strange isn't it, that the heart is usually mentioned in context of love, romance and such but very rarely in regard of friendship. The heart expresses intense feelings and in my case yesterday, it showed me how it could show those feelings for my friend - B. Kiran Kumar Bankupalli - a.k.a Kiru - a.k.a 78 - a.k.a Rahul - a.k.a Dad (long story) - a.k.a Hitch
"So you are Room number 77? Me and MK have been looking all over for you!"
That's the first line that Kiran spoke when I met him outside my room in our college. He was Room 78, I was 77. Looking back over the years, I can't thank my parents and his enough for naming us the way they did. For two long years, we explored what a friendship was all about. He was a veteran, having made good friends throughout his life . I was a wildcard entry. We made good progress. We had discussions that in my opinion were far ahead of our times (still). We watched the same movies. We ate the same food. We played the same games. Somewhere during that time a tacit agreement was made .. This one's for keeps. Everything was not hunky-dory of course. There were times when I had hurt him owing to simple stupidity and selfishness on my part. It was easy doing it. But looking at his face after that and just imagining how his face would look like if I were to see it, made me feel even smaller than the smallest worm around. But somewhere in his big heart he found the grace to forgive me and our relationship recovered from a road block and chugged on.
On the last day of college, he left before me, wisely so. I spent 6 hours without him in the campus. If I could put down here how painful those moments were, I would. Maybe suffering is God's way of extracting repentance. Fate, in collaboration with our respective employers took us to different corners of the country. He went to Chennai and I went to Mumbai. But Fate it seems was no stranger to paradoxical twists. After taking me to Mumbai, Singapore, Malaysia, interior Maharashtra, Bangalore it finally bought me back to Chennai. Kiran opened up his home to me and I found new friends in his apartment. We spent a wonderful year there. Kiran and I picked just from where we had left off in college. We were back to sharing interests in people, in companies, in thoughts.
When he left for his USA trip, I decided to shift the house. We took a small nice apartment in Besant Nagar. The year I spent there- Nov 1, 2006 to Oct 21,2007 I shall never forget. That is the time that the concrete cementing of the relationship happened. As I write these words, so many memories are flooding my head. Its quite overwhelming. The time we decided to start a company. The time I locked myself up in the guest bedroom. The first time we sat on top of the terrace. The time when we got a projector and watched a movie in the house (his reaction was priceless!). The painful time when we had a cat in the house. The time when he asked me to permanently sit in the chair and watch the match so that India would win 20-20 world cup. All the times he took the responsibility of finishing up my Sodex-ho passes. The way he adjusted the AC in my car. The time he bought his first bike. The time we celebrated his half birthday, my sister's birthday, Manju's birthday, Ruby's Birthday. The time when he took my family in my car to Mahabalipuram which was, in his learned opinion, only "4 kms from Chennai". The time we spent at Murugan Idli, at Baywatch, at Pupil, at Subway, at Eden, on the footpath at Khana Khazana. The time we spent talking. The time we spent laughing. The time we spent being.
All my friends know him and all his friends know me. Everytime I meet one of his friends they'll tell me Kiran would keep talking about me all the time. My parents never got tired of asking why I always included Kiran in every second sentence I spoke to them. When we were together, I was I and he was he. In the middle of any conversation, I could look into his eyes and figure out what the rest of the conversation was going to be like. Towards the end, most of the talking was perfunctory. The communication had already been done by the way the question was asked, the way the response was given was given or simply taken for granted. There is possibly nothing about my life till Oct 21, 2007 that he doesn't know and he has involved me so deeply in his past that I find myself substituting my past for his.
Yesterday, B. Kiran Kumar, my buddy of 4 years, left Chennai to Shrikakulam to get married. I am sad because I wanted to be there when he boarded the train and left. I wanted to be there at the last moment to say good-bye. I know it sounds stupid. But I think the reason I am sad about not being there, is because if I was there I would have a far better reason to be sad and than be here, thousands of miles away and feel miserable. It sounds crazy when I read it, but makes perfect sense inside my head.
He will marry his childhood sweetheart. He will come back to Chennai with his beloved and stay in same house that we had stayed in. He shall grow roots there and build his family there. He will be happy. I am happy for him. My sadness is in equal measure.
Yesterday, Fate cast its die once more.
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,- The Beatles (1965)
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, Yesterday came suddenly"
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 10:11 AM 5 comments
Last Thursday night, Arjun (my friend from Engineering) and I went to drink in Dubai. We had a beer at this place called Good Fellas. I told him that (like I tell everybody else) that I've never been to a disc before. He told me that he was also new to this place. But he heard that there was this good disc around. We went looking for it. When we found the place, they were asking for 50 AED for entry. We bit our lips and paid up. This was very very important for me.
The room that we entered upstairs was dimly lit. It had a very brown, shady look to it as is common with most bars in India. It was longer in front of us and shorter to the sides. The whole place stretched roughly about double the size of our MPH in XIM. The entire length of the wall facing us was a bar. On the right wall there was a stage that was set for a bad to come in. Behind us there was again another small bar. All around in the middle, there were pillars. And around these pillars, the barstools and the walls were the only seats.
When I entered the room, I noticed none of what I have written above. All I noticed was the crowd. There were men, sure. But there were women and women and women. Everywhere I turned my head there were women walking, chatting, drinking, smoking. Arjun and I couldn't figure much of what was going on, I was getting the feeling that something was happening when ..
"Hi there .. where are you from". The voice belonged to a dark lady with lovely, large eyes. She was trying to be coy. I didn't get her name but she was from East Africa she told me.
"Do you like a good time", she asked. I told her that I was here for a good time, but I'd just got here and that I would talk to her again when I left.
She stroked my arm and told me"I"ll be waiting here for you. Come back soon".
I smiled said bye, turned around to Arjun and put the biggest smile that I had on my face. I found that he had already done the same for himself.
We both realised that this was a big pickup point. BIG. It wasn't even weekend and the ratio of men to women was already skewing in the favor that interested both of us. We picked a table at the far end of the room so that we had a good view of the entire scene. A Turkish man called Yousuf joined us. He chatted for a while with a Filipino lady. Later we found out that he was here on construction business. He had come here looking for his beloved C.C. a Filipino girl who had 'pleasured' him on his last week. She was tall and strong and had lots of burji (whatever that meant!). Arjun and I enjoyed it all thoroughly. We scanned the crowd. We were trying to figure out who would be the one charging the most. After a good look around, we both agreed that it had to be the Russian. She was tall and extremely fair, wearing a black dress that was open in places to drive home the point. She and a friend of hers simply walked around. I was surprised by this. Most of the girls there would walk up to you at a glance or a smile. They made the first move. In the case of the slender Russian, she simply walked all over the place, slowly, pacing herself so that nobody missed anything. If there was a Ms. Hot in the room, the Russian was it.
Having settled that, Arjun and I proceeded to talk with the Turk who was very upset that he had not found C.C. He excused himself after joking with us for a while, saying that he was going to give it his last best shot. We watched the crowd for a while, got bored and got back to our drinks which we found were getting filled up seconds after it was being emptied. Suddenly Arjun nudged me. I looked at him. He was smiling and his eyes were urging me to look to my left.
When I turned to the left, I found that I was face to face with a lot of black. I looked up and it took quite some time to reach the end of it. That was where the black melted away into a bright face with golden hair tossed all about. It was the Russian!
She didn't say a a word. She simply stared at me. I raised an eye-brow and she copied it. I said Hi. She said Hi. Silence. I said that I'd seen her walking by. She couldn't understand what I was saying. Silence. She asked me where I was from. I told her that I was from Mumbai. I was having too much trouble explaining to people that a place called Chennai existed in India. She said 'Aah .. Mumbai'. She asked me my name. I told her. She told me she was Roxanna and that she was from Ukraine. Only a minute had passed, but I felt we had been talking for an hour. Such was the power of her presence. People sitting arounf all around me stopped to watch Roxanna talk. I'm guessing she didn't do it much. She looked me over one more time and asked me a question that I will never forget for the rest of my life....
"Zo you boyz only dreenk?"
I told her the truth. She smiled and walked away. I turned to Arjun. We both burst out laughing. That was the best line I had ever heard! The band had come in. They started with some very dull numbers. But pretty soon, they began playing good music. When I heard 'Losing My Religion', I took my glass, went near the stage and sang every word of the song as best as I could.
We left there around midnight, smiling, laughing and reliving every moment of our time inside. As we grabbed a couple of Felafels on the roadside, I told Arjun something that made him laugh even louder than before.
I still hadn't been to a disc.
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 11:11 AM 5 comments
Labels: Dubai, experience midnight russian
14 years in Dubai and 12 years in India. That's how much time I've spent in both the countries. India was threatening to go ahead but Dubai has had the last laugh. I think I shall engage in a flashback. Why should only film stars have the liberty?
Born in Trichur, studied in Dubai (Ghusais, AlShaab,Karama), studied in Coimbatore, studied in Bhubaneshwar, worked in Mumbai, interior Maharashtra, Bangalore and then Chennai.
And now this post comes from Dubai.
The irony of this story is that when we came back from Dubai to Coimbatore, my parents went to ask an astrologer of my fate - would I ever go back to Dubai? He declared ominously that if this boy comes to India, he shall never leave its land again.
When I heard about the Rs. 10 prophesy which my parents hesitantly relayed to me, I was shattered. Of all the diseases that I have had since birth, the sting and the want to travel and see the world and it's people has been the cancer that I have enjoyed and nourished. Another part of my mind resignedly accepted this as the wont of fate. I thus decided that I should make a living in India itself and used to subdue myself when others described their wondrous adventures in lands far and beyond.
Fate, it seems, is no stranger to sympathy. In it's own mysterious way, it had chartered a course back to where I had come from. Right to the centre of the world, as if asking me 'There! Are you happy now?
I landed in Dubai at 6:15 a.m. on 29th October 2007. I had left it on June 4th, 1995. When I landed the first thing that I did was thank God, because I felt that the stupid astrologer might yet have the last laugh and my plane would crash somehow. Since that had not happened, I sang a song 'Back in Dubai' for no other reason, than I had promised my mother I would sing it. I didn't know the lyrics or the tune. So I made up a song that went on for four lines with variations to the words 'Back in Dubai'. The last thing I did on the flight was to declare a few personalised expletives to an astrologer who had taken hope away from me.
When my feet touched the tarmac, I touched the ground. It was true. I was on Dubai soil. After all these years. A tear popped out to say hello to this faded memory of mine.
People who visit Dubai for the first time will be struck by the huge monstrous towers that are all over the place. People who live in Dubai cannot understand how a tower that was there when they went to sleep has disappeared and in it's place a bigger one has come. This is a city in the flux of change. The statistics are baffling. Dubai alone has 15% of the world's tower cranes. The ruler of Dubai felt that people never had much recall for the second largest building in the world. So he has decided to make the world's largest building in Dubai. So it's easier to remember.
Do I remember the place? I feel like I'm going through a ghost town. How would you feel if you went back to a place that you had spent your life in and in the place of your house you found a huge shopping mall? Would you describe that as familiar? It's an eerie feeling.
They say Dubai is a global hub. Make no mistake about it. In the market, on the shelves, on the streets everywhere it's global. I don't know about Times Square, but I'm sure if you stood in front of Bur Juman centre long enough, you would see everyone in the world soon (Mallu's twice ofcourse!)
My work over here will be very interesting. In Chennai, my discussion used to centre around Madipakkam, Mylapore and Mint Street. Here of course, the discussions start with Bahrain, do a round of Turkey, stop by Syria, bring in Egypt, gloss over Dammam and end in Iran. In a normal conversation. Normally, I expect one person to say all this looking very serious to another person and when he's finished, both of them look serious for a second or two and burst out laughing. They don't. They start talking about the import situation in Odessa! (Where's my map?!)
Maybe one day I can talk like this and keep a straight face. International marketing is fun, make no mistake about it. The blows will be harder, the aggression will be in-your-face, and the minds more sharper. To learn to know what drives other people, how they make their moves, how they react under pressure is something that I dreamt of doing.
This part of my life, this part right here.. it's called "Living my dream!"
I'm back in Dubai!!
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 10:35 PM 1 comments
Labels: astrologer, Dubai, Happyness
That's right people!!!!!!!! That's me at 26. I have to, have to, have to, put down a jingle of an ad that I remember ever since I knew to understand English. I wonder how many people ever heard it. It's for a Milk powder called Nido (Nestle). It featured a boy during his graduation. His mom was in the audience, and while he walked up to get his certificate, all the boy's life flashed before her. Over the years, Your thirsting moments sometimes full of tears Nido makes your growing days a golden memory Nido makes those golden growing years for you and me.... Wait till you see my 27 blog!
"Today the 26th of July 2007, is the day that I can proudly say that I have seen the same side of the Sun exactly 26 times."
That didn't sound too great.
"I've lived out a third of my life expectancy today! Hooray!!"
Naaah - Still haven't got it.
Okay
Note to Self - find out whats so great about today and tell yourself.
Note to Note above - get drunk or find one, your problems will be solved.
God's Note to Note above - Amen!
Usually when people come to such landmarks, they sit back, pour themselves a drink and consider what they have done so far that they are proud of. I, for a change, shall follow the crowd.
and no ... this is not an excuse for me to pour myself a drink.
I'm proud of some things.Looking back,
26 and still talking about milk powder. Pretty cooky you say?
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 1:57 PM 6 comments
Labels: birthday 26 Nido
"This part of my life... this part right here? This is called "happyness."
Christopher Gardner (Will Smith) The Pursuit of Happyness
Today 12th June 2007,
I am learning to dance
I am learning to play the guitar
I have a cat
I'm cooking again
"This part of my life... this part right here? This is called "happyness."
Fuzzy the Ducky (Me) My Life
Incidentally, here's some great quotes from this great movie:
"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"
"Hey dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said "Do you need help?" and the man said "God will save me". Then another boat came and he tried to help him, but he said "God will save me", then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man told God, "God, why didn't you save me?" and God said "I sent you two boats, you dummy!"
"This part of my life... this part right here? This part is called "being stupid."
More here from the lovely folks at IMDB
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 12:07 PM 4 comments
I have been thinking for 26 years now. Not about any particular thing, but I have been thinking of various things. Some of these thoughts include ..
"Goo goo gaa gaa"
"Hey look, I just discovered my fingers"
"Mmmm! Nice!"
"Maggi or Upma?"
"Who shall I marry?"
It shall ease your pain to realise that these are not a compendium of all the thoughts that have crossed my mind, but a brief collection of the repeating ones. Unfortunately, the last one is a human translation of the first one, which is in Martian - a language that we tend to forget when we're two years old.
So let me dwell on that .. Who shall I marry? Evidently, the question is not as easily answered as
"What shall I have for dinner" (Maggi)
"Where shall we go today"(Nowhere)
"What shall I do right now, now that I have been confronted with an immediate problem that required my urgent attention and deployment of all my senses?" (Sleep)
"Who shall I marry"(Umm ...errr...aaaah...)
Just so that my thoughts on the subject are vitally clear and can be back-referenced when the time will come for my brain transplant, I feel it necessary to record these points hereunder for your displeasurable viewing.
a. She shall be a Sagittarian, if not an Arian, if not a Leo (precedence from left)
b. She shall like cows,elephants,rabbits,horses,cats, dogs(dimishing precedence from the right)
c. She shall love to travel the world
d. She shall like Frasier, Who's line, Everybody loves Raymond, Friends, King of Queens, Seinfeld (pick any two)
e. She shall be a she (no compromise here)
f. The sum of the digits of her date (only date) of birth shall be 4,8 but can also be 3,6,9 and if you think about it 0,1,2,5,7 aren't so bad either (easy on the swearing buddy)
g. She shall love to dance
h. She shall love to sing, in key
i She shall love to love me
Okay.Maybe that last point isn't so important.
With the good offices of my friends in Google, Wiki and SETI I have managed to calculate the probability of such a being existing. It has taken 173.6 years to calculate. Please don't remind me that I am only 26 years old. Are you saying that you do not recognise my lives as the famous grasshopper Fred of the Savannah and the handsome tree at Mount Gletscherhorn?
What has come out this immensely successful boring project is this:
a. The person who fits the description above exists; or rather existed 173.2 years back. She died when she had gone trekking at Mount Gletscherhornwhen and a tree fell on her.
b. The only other person who fits this is a very confused female otter somewhere in the backlands of New Zealand.
Which brings me hastily to point j.
Point J. Strictly humans (read that again)
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 11:25 AM 3 comments
Labels: ideal match
As I alighted from the train in Chennai, the cold morning rain slapped hard on my face. Rains in Chennai are not very common. Uncommon rains have one thing in common for me.
They always spell bad news.
"Machan, bad news da. AK passed away some time back". That was six hours ago. After that came a flurry of shell shocked phone calls. The truth was impossible to swallow. Doubt, disbelief and sadness combined in my head in proportions they never had before.
As I made my way back home, I tried to push my mind to remember what ever it could of the wonderful times that we had had together; moments that defined AK for me.
Somehow each moment always had him jumping up and down, a uncorked cracker of energy, with a voice that was always set on 'cheering-at-the-stadium' accompanied by a smile that could light up a few street blocks. His pants hung loose about him and his pure enthusiasm threatened to rub on to everyone within a considerable distance.
I can never put a word to describe the relationship we shared. In some ways, I felt very close to him for one simple reason. We understood each other perfectly. He's helped me many times and I have tried to reciprocate it.
To the end, I believe that he remained how he used to be. He'd love to take matters into his own hand. He chose not to worry his friends with the bizarre details of the disease that he was battling. I am told he even reported to work the day before he was taken to the hospital.
Now that he's gone, only one thing worries me the most is that I am not able to mourn him the way I feel I should.
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 10:58 AM 2 comments
Labels: friend demise sad
They should have built the House of Mirrors in every city in India. People would forget to work, brush, eat ... much less everything else other than to pay their daily visit to the place. Oh and how enthralled they would be! They would see themselves differently! The fat would be thin! The thin would be fat! The drooped would become tall again! And the hairless would remain the hairless.
Since someone figured out that putting mirrors all around the place was not really their cup of tea, somewhere along the past, they discovered a more suitable placebo.
They decided to call it many things. But someone creativity-deprived person spake Bollywood, and thus it was born.
A little frustating etymology here: Anyone who has been to Mumbai knows that the city is known much less for its woods than its traffic and Bhel Puri. And I wonder why the Orange brigade forgot to change Bolly to Molly when they changed Bombay to Mumbai.
So it's Mollypuri for me and everyone cares to read any further.
What does this industry give us? The answer to that question is very interesting. The next time you enter a movie theater, briefly glance back at the people in the row behind you before the movie begins. A bunch of normal squabbling, cell-phone chatting people that you would find in any movie hall.
Once the lights go out and the hero comes and bangs up some poor guy who got paid to fall over for the guy with an extra digit, turn around and look at those people in the glow of the 'tinsel' light.
Ah! Not the same people are they? You can see their lips smiling in unison. Their mouths would part together and the frowns would come in a rapid Mexican wave. They are transcending into a world that they know they will never be in, but something that they can live for a few hours on the movie screen.
Take my word for it! Each member of the audience can easily identify themselves with the hero and heroine easily. And in real life, the association continues. How many times have we found ourselves asking ourselves right after a movie 'What would Aamir do in this situation'? Have you noticed that when people come out of the movie hall after watching Superman Returns, the average walking and driving speed tends to be a noticeable shade higher?
Taking a specific example, the audience did not like Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna for a variety of reasons. The said reason was that it was a touchy issue that people found didn't quite go well with popcorn and coke. But I imagine the real reason is that there was a huge identity crisis in the movie. It was that the audience could not identify with a single character in the movie. Who was the hero/heroine in the movie after all? Who was the villain who got beaten up? Karan Johar went ahead and portrayed people as they are, shades of grey et all.
The audience had no one to look up to. No one to identify with. No one to sympathise or cheer for. They trick mirrors had been taken away. They were looking at themselves.
--
Nothing is more prevalent in Hindi movies than the concept of eternal, omnipresent and ever-dependable love. It pervades everything. From the posters to the songs to the theme to the title to the subtitle to the dialogues to the the fights. There are two ways to look at this over-prevalence of love in the movies of today.
Point 1. An unimaginative set of producers and paraphernalia who sit down and discuss thus
Producer: "Let's call it Tuje Dekha Tho ..."
Music Director: "That's great. People will remember Kajol and SRK running in green and yellow fields. Acha hai"
Producer: "How do we start it?"
MD: "First song - Hero proposes to heroine (melody); second song - item number - Hero's ex at a bar; Third song - Hero's dog dies (tragedy) and so on.."
Producer: "Wah! That's it."
Storywriter: "Maybe we can base it around something .. like a bank robbery?"
Producer: "That's right. We'll have a shot of the bank every 15 minutes!!"
Not quite, you may say. Must how many movies unfailingly stick to the same plot? If the story repeats and producers are sane, then the real reason has to be point 2.
Point 2. Love sells.
In this age of censorship, love is as far as they can go. And love is also a good enough excuse to do a lot of other things. You didn't think we'd realise eh, Emraan? Love (and by love I refer to the a natural way of falling in love, where boy meets girl, sparks fly - you know the routine) is something that the our hypocritical junta revel in as long as its on 70mm. Bring the same drama into their living rooms and all the Oscar performances for Best Actor/Actress in a negative role wouldn't be enough for them.
If love is such a nice thing to enjoy on the screen, why are we Indians opposed to enjoying it ourselves or letting others enjoy it? Its because the line between the reality that we are in and the reality that we don't mind enjoying for a couple of hours is manned by one powerful man.
The ticket collector at the gate of the cinema hall.
Here's an interesting fact (Venky are you listening?) :
The word hypocrisy derives from the Greek hypokrisis, which means "acting out". Hypokrisis applied to any sort of public performance , hypokrites was a technical term for a stage actor.
There you have it. The next time you meet Hritik just tell that his last movie was the most hypocritic performance from him that you have ever seen so far.
Strike me down if he doesn't blush.
Bottom line: We live in a dream. Not realising that can be injurious to the health as it is seriously associated with heart problems.
P.B. Whether or not you liked this post, did you notice that whenever I referred to the Indian public, your mind automatically went "Oh! Them! He's not talking about me". Good news: You're not a hypocrite. Bad News: You just have double standards.
As for me, I'll press publish on the screen and go watch a nice Hindi love story. I'm every bit the hypocrite!
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 2:29 PM 2 comments
Based on a true story - Mine!
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Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 11:04 AM 9 comments
I reached the place five minutes before I was supposed to have been there. I was nervous, I wasn't sure if I was up to the task. Looking around me, I started into void. True, the commotion around me was perpetual, but I was unaffected by it all.
"Your the best negotiator we have Jim!", my boss guffawed at a toast a few months ago.
"Those buggers didn't know what hit them. You left them thinking that they struck the best deal and yet you ran circles around them"
I blushed appropriately. I didn't deserve all this praise, I thought to myself. I've been negotiating with people ever since I can remember. When I was young, my dad used to tell me "If you have to choose between keeping your money in your pocket or someone elses, which would you choose? That's what you need to remember"
At first, I would do the 'base talks' - let the party know we were interested, get to understand his structure, tweak the areas of debate and generally lower it to the point where I would set it up for my dad. He would just walk in, speak crisply for some time and very soon the guy at the other end would be either weeping or grinning like an idiot - which he probably was.
One day, my dad thought that I was at my aunt's, he set up a meeting of our key suppliers from Korea at our home. He was through half the discussion, when I returned. He didn't notice me, so I managed to watch what was happening from a hole in the kitchen. I watched my dad play them with ease and he was reaching a point where he was about to strike the winning blow.
I threw the door open and shouted "This is unacceptable". Everyone turned to look at me. I rattled out what I knew of what was happening, and told them that their offer made no sense to me, and I didn't see any reason why my dad would even consider taking it.
There was a silence in the room. Silence that you could cut and serve on plate to a room that was starved for words. Finally, someone did something.
It was a Korean. He got up, looked me straight in the eye, walked to my dad, handed him a piece of paper, whispered something into his ear and the entire team walked out.
I stood dumbstruck. My dad gave me the most stern look I have known him to possess. He looked at the paper and told me. "Never, never again", he started sternly, as he handed me the paper, "Never, never again leave my side". He burst out laughing.
The Koreans had reduced the supply rates by half.
I was delirious. Soon, my dad did the base talks, I simply jumped in and hit the ball out of the park. When this new negotiating specialist firm opened in Washington, dad said I should give it a shot.
"He's done what no one else can and no one else will.", my boss continued. "Our clients are happy, our management is happy, I'm happy. You'll have to wake up very early in the day to beat our man Jim"
He was happy and also very drunk! I slipped out, grabbed a couple of beers and slept on the couch. I was alone. Never had much luck with girls. What was their line? You take us apart with your words. Never managed to sustain a conversation with them for more than a few minutes.
But I loved my life. I did what I enjoyed. Got paid silly to do it (Mom would have blushed if he saw my pay cheque and the gifts the clients sent me). Things were good.
A wry smile teased my lips as I thought about the times of the past. Those sure were good days. My job responsibilities had increased. I was handling bigger and bigger clients. When one day, the biggest job I had ever seen landed on my table. My eyes bulged out. The commission we would earn from this job alone, would cover an entire financial quarter's earning.
Here I was then standing in this place. Waiting to meet the people who would create a golden bullet point in my resume. I had spent the past three months gathering everything I could about our 'target' company and our client. I pored over every number, investigated every decimal and wrecked havoc on our coffee machine. The people at office were placing bets whether the caffeine would kill me first or the nicotine.
Neither did, as I stood at the pavement ready to figuratively throw my briefcase at the target party. 'Relax, you've done this a million times before. Just swoop in and swoop out'.
I didn't notice a black Merc gliding to a smooth halt in front of me. When the driver pressed the brakes, the noise stopped my senseless ramblings in a hurry.
What happened next was a series of events, not events spread apart, but events that were milliseconds away, which my eye and mind captured like snapshots in flashes.
A driver got down and ran to the rear, paused a bit at the door.
A sleek, heeled leg pushed out. I stared at it in disbelief. Heels.. women? The target company was sending women!?
Soon I realized that the leg would have to be attached to something - and she stepped out. She was wearing shades. The dark shades set off her milky face, so that it presented a picture of perfect contrast.
As I took in detail by detail, I realised that she was not wearing any make up. Which made her more stunning that I could ever imagine possible.
Her fingers were caressing her phone which was a sleek model that you see the ads these days. Only, they looked so much better in hers. I noticed her lips were moving as well. My ears sprang to life from sensual shock and what it tuned into was poetry, melodic and heavenly. Her diction was perfect. Her words were impressive. The effect, stunning.
Another hand ran over her dress, she was wearing a nice white shirt, covered by a silky cream coat, that almost seemed to pass the baton of perfection to a smooth, black skirt that swished mischievously as she walked towards me.
She gave the driver a nod and he bowed low and he got into the car. I got the feeling that if could bow any lower than he would.
In all the time that I had spent noticing her, I realised that she was still had not realised that I was present. I walked up, surprised that my legs were slow to start, and pushed myself up to a decent distance, when my nose, which had been complaining of being left out of all the action in front me, went into ecstasy - Perfume. Intoxicating.
As she walked towards me, she brushed her long silky hair away from the face, and for a moment I lost track of what I was supposed to do; look at her face, admire her hair or simply drool.
I was put out of the misery of answering that question, when she stopped in front of me and raised a well trimmed eyebrow. It slowly dawned on my overloaded brain that it was my turn to speak.
"I'm Jim. Jim Burke. From Dela Associates. I .. er.. have been sent,er.. will represent the interests of .."
"Donna Rose, pleasure!"
She got back on the phone. She was British. She was talking into her phone again. I had never felt like a bigger fool all my life.
She was sophisticated, sounded intelligent and looked hubba-hubba. I found myself admiring her all over again. When could I hear that voice again? As if on cue, she suddenly turned towards me. "Are we going to talk here or do you have a better place in mind?"
"Er.. right this way ..", I said sheepishly. I led her to the conference room close by. I held the door open for her. She slid in without so much as an appreciatory glance.
She sat down on one side of the table, crossed her legs, put her hair in place and stared at me.
"Jim, this thing is not going to work for us"
Okay, I was used to this. Hard ball upfront, I should have countered with "Then I don't see why we're here". But I found my mouth saying "What seems to be the problem?"
One part of my brain was saying "She said your first name, score! score!"
Another part worried, "She's so pretty. She'll cry if you run a hard deal. Go easy on her"
A third part was saying, "Are you guys serious? We have a deal to cinch here. Get with it!"
The third part was found murdered very mysteriously.
The rest of the meeting went as per plan.
Her plan that is. All my tactics faded into nothingness. She would say the most simplest of things, and my counter would take a vacation.
At one point, I managed to pull in enough courage to make a good point. One look at her deep blue eyes, I was afraid she'd break down and cry.
Worse.
She smiled. She said "Really?", and then changed the topic.
The whole thing lasted 3 hours in my head. I knew. I was counting her eye-blinks. In reality, it lasted just 15 minutes.
She got up. She held her hand out. "Pleasure doing business with you, Jim". She smiled. My hands were sweaty.
I walked her out, or rather she walked out and I followed her, my memory conjuring, for some strange reason, images of sheep!
As she reached her waiting Merc, she turned around sharply on her heel. Her heel.
"Good day, Mr. Burke"
She left. At least most of her did. I was clinging to all the whiffs I could get off her perfume, till there was no more.
And then, I collapsed. It dawned on me that I may not have an office to go to tomorrow. I may not have a job to attend tomorrow. I may not be as happy as I was a couple of months back when nothing could go wrong.
And definitely, not as happy as the man who was strangely brimming with joy next to Ms. Rose in the Merc.
Definitely not as happy as the Korean.
--
Author's Comments:
I've seen guys, the best of them ,get intimidated by suave ladies. It's something that Darwin wanted to write about, but then chose to talk about birds and bees instead. This story was fictional. It was thought up because I was under extreme pressure to deliver in a month end. Doesn't make sense. Sure sonny, nothing does!
This is my first short story. Tell me what you think. Post in the comments
Posted by Fuzzy, the Ducky at 4:18 PM 10 comments